I'm avoiding writing and thinking about my hometown Eyota right now. It's almost overwhelming how many thoughts and memories and really deep feelings I have about that place. So, I'll wait til tomorrow. Yey procrastination!

I was reading a few of my older blogs and I realized how much hope I really do have now. In the past it's been hard, not going to lie. This time of year is especially hard for me. The darkness of winter begins to set in my mind and on my heart, and I feel particularly weighty, like my shadow weights 50 pounds and I drag it where ever I go.

Jesus has been patiently showing me what it means to put my whole worth in Him. It's something that is going to take my whole life, I'm sure of it, and I don't think I'll ever be perfect at it. But that's ok. He loves me the same anyway.

I'm delving into life like I never thought I could, or would. I don't have to worry about what my major is, or what people think about me. I'm actually beginning to live free, free from the results of putting my worth in something that changes every day, or isn't guaranteed. I'm actually beginning to remember what it feels like to do things because I passionately want to do them, not because I just feel like I should be doing it or that I have to do it.

It's a constant struggle to follow Him. But that struggle is worth every second, every hardship.

I'll leave this post with an amazing song I learned in 5th grade and clung to as my faith has waivered and grown stronger, and back again over the years.

All the chisels I have dulled carving idols of stone
That have crumbled like sand 'neith the waves
I have recklessly built all my dreams in the sand
Just to watch them all wash away.
All the pennies I've wasted in my wishing well
I've thrown like stones to the sea
I've dropped my guard, cast my lost, given everything
For a faith to be faithful to me

Through another day, another trial,
Another chance to reconcile
To the One who sees past all I see
I'm reaching out my weary hand
I pray that You'd understand,
You're the only one who's faithful to me.