is jealousy always a bad thing? or should i be asking, is it ever a good thing? yes, love is patient, love is kind, love is not jealous, love is not selfish. is there a rightful way to be jealous? God is love, but God is a jealous God.
what is love? is love something you need to grow to choose? is love something you run into, and then choose to continue? is love, unconditional love, too lofty a thing to aim for? how does romantic love fit into unconditional love?

...head hurting...

camp-age.

Tis been quite a while. Camp has a tendency to eat up my time, energy, and social life. But mostly my time, which zaps up my enery and social life. Eh.

It's worth it, most of the time. The passion makes it worth it. Passion is extreme here. People are passionate about God, passionately dirty, passionately enthusiastic, and then passionately tired after all of that.
But sometimes, I just need to leave, get away, back to the real world. I have this thing with rules...I like to break them. Not going to lie. I like to get really close to them, stare them down, smirk a little, then stick my pinky toe over the line not suppose to be crossed. It's not a good thing.

Camp. Eating time away...

My Worldview.

In my Personal Responsibility class, my teacher asked us to write an essay explaining our worldview. Here is mine.

One of the simplest aspects of my worldview is that I believe there is a God, and he is active and involved in the world today. “In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth,” (Gen 1:1). Even before the beginning, God was. He is today, and He will continue to be for eternity; “‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come.’ Whenever the living creatures give glory, honor and thanks to him who sits on the throne and who lives for ever and ever” (Rev. 4:8b-9). I never realized what profound implications this simple belief has on the way I live and think about my life.

Without a perfect, overseeing God, the universe has no purpose. If everything just appeared here by chance, the incredible complexities and organization of cells, of atoms, of ecosystems, and of the human mind, all of it would be pointless. If the stars were just there, not to be beautiful, not to burn up hydrogen, but just to be, we are left longing for some completion and something more. People are left questioning if none of these things serve a purpose, do we? Because there is a God who created our world, this universe exists to glorify Him and reflect His goodness. “And they were calling to one another: ‘Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory’” (Isa. 6:3); “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands” (Ps. 19:1). Nature even is a witness to God. “Since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse” (Romans 1:19-20).

Human beings possess a deep desire to search for the meaning of it all. Because the universe has meaning, we humans have meaning as well. If the stars and the trees and the rocks all serve to glorify God, then how much more do we as thinking beings with free will? In the end, all will glorify God whether they have chosen to glorify Him in their life or not during judgment: "By myself I have sworn, my mouth has uttered in all integrity a word that will not be revoked: Before me every knee will bow; by me every tongue will swear” (Isa. 45:23).

Incorporating these concepts into daily life is a different matter than grasping theology. As humans, we can only begin to fathom the awesomeness of God; we even have troubles grasping creation in all its vastness. But even if we really applied the most basic realizations, we would continually be seeking out how to learn more about God. “One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple” (Psalms 27:4).

In all the expanse of our world, what better place is there to seek the Lord than in his own Words? “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,” (2 Tim. 3:16) so someone who fully grasps the realization of the Creator will make time to study His words. David, with full-fledged passion for scripture, goes so far as to say “Blessed is the man who[’s]…delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night” (Psalm 1:1). That kind of desire involves more than meaningless tradition, more than reading out of habit; it stems from seeking God with your whole heart.

Unfortunately, a wrench is thrown into this plan when sinful humans are introduced. The fact is, on our own, we have no power to seek out God passionately. We are all fallen. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23); we all fail to see Him and glorify Him as He should be. Many of us learned this verse in Sunday school before we knew how to ride a two-wheeler, and think its only value is in Romans Road and bible camp. This year I am learning first-hand about how even mature Christians (gasp!) fall short in our daily walk with God; “apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). There is nothing in my life I can’t depend on Jesus for, even the simple task of being passionate about seeking him in scripture. Humility is a direct result of this fact. I am learning that if you call to God with your whole heart, in realization of who He is, and he will answer; “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13). In other words, ask God to give you passion for His Word, and he won’t disappoint.

sleep is overrated.

I got back from choir tour this evening at about 7 0'clock. It was a glorious time, and I was greatly looking forward to vegging out in my room, maybe doing some homework, yet I still felt this overwhelming sense to just go outside and frolic a bit (an over-used phase, but fitting). Off I went to find a nice place to sit and sort things out while I attempted to do my homework, and soon a familiar tree caught my eye. This is a tree I have been longing to sit and read a book since last fall, yet every time I have passed this particular tree, I have been rushing off to class, most likely late. Today time seemed slower, so I walked barefoot off the cement into the vibrant green grass up to this magnificent tree. The tree is shaped kind of like the palm of a hand with the fingers pointing up all around, just a perfect place to sit and ponder life. And I did just that. On a glorious day like this, that is all I needed.

(ok, bad story, I know, but my tree makes me happy.)

"emo"

Here's part of a series of poems I'm working on, I'm trying to write them like a symphony with different sections to form one larger work. I'm sure there's a name for that, but I don't know it. Yes, I know it's kind of "emo". Get over it! ;) It'll make sense in context eventually.

Hear the dark rain Pound on the windshield,
I down your warmth.
I am Silent. I am Screaming.

Watch the headlights Pass us by slowly,
I catch your eyes.
Your eyes they Marvel. Your eyes are Masked.

Drink the delight Poured on our whispers,
We loose the way.
We are Naïve. We are Knowing.

Feel the thick air Pull apart and spoil,
You meet my fault.
I am Quiet. I am Crying.

Is the meter too obvious? How about the similar starting letters/sounds (P's, Qu-C, N-Kn, etc.)