Ellie's next big-girl adventure: crawling. While she isn't quite there yet, I know it will be any day now to when she starts those little legs and arms a-movin. Here's her favorite playing stance:
As you can see, she is propped and ready to go for the crawl. She pops her legs up and does this adorable little swaying-rocking think, like she's counting "1..2...3" and then she belly flops.
On a different note, I've been thinking a lot about social dynamics this week. After becoming a mom, and being home alone a lot, I think my awareness of people has become more sensitive. Sometimes, even in the 'grown up' world, I feel like I'm reliving middle school all over again. There's still the 'cool' kids that everyone else tries to follow and be like. It just seems silly. I wonder if God just laughs sometimes at the lengths we will go to feel like we are a part of the 'in' crowd.
As a new mom, I don't have the energy to even try be 'cool'. I don't get cool moms. Do they have magical cool-mom perfume to mask the smell of spit-up? Do they have cool-mom jeans that shrink them back to their pre-pregnancy size (or smaller!)? Do their kids sleep 26 hours a day so they have time to do the dishes, laundry, finish 12 sewing projects and have their other cool-mom friends over for dinner? I'm baffled.
Then there are the Pinterest boards that all the single people have about stuff they are going to do when they become moms. You know, all creative and skinny and beautiful and organized...and definitely not sleep deprived. When I'm on it too long I begin to think I can be like that...then I look at our pile of laundry that's been sitting there for days that I haven't had the energy to do and am snapped back to reality.
Am I complaining?...maybe a little. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't trade the sanctifying work Jesus is doing in my heart through all of this for anything. But...it doesn't always make it easy. I just don't always like to pretend it is all kitten-farts and butterflies.
I thought I was cool once. It didn't work out well. Here is a brief snapshot of my issues in middle school, personified through my 8th grade yearbook picture. Yes, I crossed that line from quirky into weird.
|Ug. I know. Gasp in horror. Or roll on the floor laughing.|
It's hilarious the photographer found it necessary to focus the picture including my hair sticking out to the side.
And why, mom, do you display this picture with such pride on the piano?
Well... at least I thought I was cool. In that maybe-I'll-be-cool-someday way.
I sometimes think of Ellie being in middle school one day. I holding my sweet babester, who now spends her days caring about what she can chew on, and think - I am so, so sorry, love, if you experience hurtful things during those trying years. But I know God will use them to shape her and teach her and sanctify her, just like he's using these awkward, sleep-deprived days to shape my heart.
Here's to being incredibly awkward, and to being done with being cool. Because in the end, there's only One opinion that matters.