Sunday, February 11, 2007

Pain, Piercings, and Praise

Do you ever have a pang deep inside your gut, that even chocolate can't remedy? It hurts. "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." (ps. 43:5)

I had quite the spontaneous day yesterday. I had planned on bumming around my dorm until my mom came up and we could get some serious retail shopping done. Then Ann called at 10:30 asking when she could come pick me up, and we were off!
I felt it was quite an adventurous time. We explored a guitar store, bummed around Rosedale mall, I even had an impulse; I got my cartilage pierced twice. I would have just gotten one, but it was the same amount of money, so I'm just like, go for it! I'm not sure quite got into me. There's something exhilarating about deciding to do something like that so spur of the moment. Maybe I'm an adrenaline junkie? Don't expect me to be jumping off buildings or plastering myself with tattoos quite yet.
Then we went to pick up Jase at St. Bens. It was like a mini road trip! I really needed to move around though, I've been thinking far too much lately, especially this week. It's like if my body isn't doing something, my mind likes to try to make up for my lack of movement. Not good. And homework, well, homework just doesn't count as a distraction. I think it just adds even more to that heaviness.
I really needed this weekend. It was so great to just be with people I know accept me for who I am, to just be crazy and jump on the hotel beds and laugh and be complete dorks. I miss actually talking to people. It's so easy to get caught up in the list of things that need to get done, and we forget, especially much distance is involved, to really talk. How are you? are you? What's going on in your life? Where is your heart? Granted, it's not easy to talk about either. But if those deep things never come out, what kind of facade are you putting out for the world? Are you really being you? I have been blessed with some wonderful, real conversation this weekend.

I'd like to leave you with a wonderful quote from a Sleeping At Last song that sums up my life right now perfectly. It's kinda freaky, actually, how actuate it is. Its all about pain and hope and being strong enough to let go.

"I feel the light upon my skin, like finger-tips reminding me that night must end. There's something about sadness that leaves us wanting more, a sickness that breathes...
From holding on to letting go, the change is like dying.

Be brave like bridges underwater, keeping strong beyond their time. Feel the light upon your skin, reminding you that night must end.

Teach me to create a beautiful past that makes you proud, that makes you proud.
Teach me what I need to know to be strong enough to let go..."

"Night Must End", Sleeping At Last


Helen said...

Wow, sounds like a totally fun weekend! I know I couldn't just spontaneously get my ears pierced again, i took me until last fall to get them pierced the first time! I miss you guys, a lot! It was so much fun last year in drama club. But now it's basically turning into just that, a drama. But life goes on I guess. Oh hey, I tried instant messaging you last time Little said you were on aim and gave me your screen name again, and I couldn't get it to go through. It'd be fun to talk online sometime!

Chelsea said...

You write very well.