Sunday, January 23, 2011

whoa, hello!

I should probably say Hello. It's been a while.

Who am I saying hello to? The internet? The blogging community? No one? Hm.

Who ever you are, Hello!

I want you to know that it's been a long time since I've written. Like, written at ALL, much less something profound, or spectacular, or even very depressing.

My life has been going so fast for so long, I haven't had time for washing my 'teacher' cloths, for getting my lesson plans done, for stamping wedding invitations, for cleaning up the messes I leave everywhere in my crazy frantic I'm-going-to-be-late get-out-of-my-way moods. Much less for blogging.

And the suddenly, it has come to a screeching halt.

Well, to be technical, it has probably all come to a screeching turtle-pace. I'm still moving I suppose, but it seems so stinking SLOW. I was going 90 mph and suddenly, I'm hardly walking. I feel grandma-ish, in a lot of ways actually.

Perhaps it's the endlessness of job searching that is getting to me. I started too idealistic, picking out the jobs that only in a million years I could land, and the ones that had anything to do but teaching. Now I'm applying for anything and everything - I almost applied to a bagel place yesterday.

It feels weird to have gone through such a crazy time, and yet only have two pieces of paper to show for it: one that tells me I have a Bachelor's of Music Education, and one that tells me I am legally bound to Peter Buller.

Honestly, I feel like myself after it all. Maybe endlessly devoted to one man, maybe with some more skills. But the same Laura.

It scared me a little bit when I found out I was still me. All those hours of practicing, those years of studying; I was hoping they would have a little more effect on me. Like, make me a little less lazy or something. Maybe I would be really good at loving after getting married. Turns out, it's even harder sometimes. And I'm still hopelessly stubborn, and moody. Poor Peter...I think he knew that before the wedding though.

This time is good though. I'm creative again, finally! It feels like a breath of fresh air, yet at the same time, it's a little too fresh. Like, whoa this air is so good it makes me sick to my stomach sometimes.

Jesus and I have lots of time to talk, which is good. I need to catch up with him some more though. Maybe that's why I haven't got a job quite yet.

1 comment:

Alaina said...


You are hilarious and I love you. :)