Sunday, December 28, 2008

Hey, Jesus. It's been a while...a long while. There are some things I need to tell you, I know I've been trying to cut down on the Laura-dominated conversation between us, but I really need to tell you some things. I know you know already, but I just kinda want someone to listen.

I do'nt know where I'm going, for the first time in my life, and it's kind scary. I want to follow you, but I have forgotten how to really listen to you. There's been so many other things I've put before you. It's not right, and I want to work on fixing it, but I know it's not all about me fixing myself, because I don't even know where to start. Will you forgive me for putting everything else before you? school work? boyfrienid? my own comfort?

I do'nt know why, but I do know that you do forgive me. I am so thankful...I have a hard time comprehending even, Jesus, you're so good to me.

I need to decide soon on somethings, if I'm going to Japan, if I'm going to finish up at Northwestern, what I should pursue. In order to know those things, I need to be in tune with you, in step with you. I've been asking you for the easy way, to be shown your way. But your way isn't just about knowing where I should go, it's a lifestyle of following you EVERYWHERE in my life, in every minute of every day.
That's a big commitment, Lord.
Can I commit to it?

I want to, but there's so much hesitance in me. Will you erase that hesitence? Guide me back to your love and your grace, I want to look for you, because this is all not working. It's so shallow, I need your depth.

"trace the shape of my heart, til it becomes more familiar to your eyes. I've been lost without you, down without your love, in time will I be what you're thinking of?"

<3 Your Child Laura

No comments: