two years.

Its been two years since my last post.

Two.

Years.

 Two years ago, I might have chosen to try and reflect on it all, to ponder for hours what I thought life would be like as a bright-eyed, smitten newly wed, how I never thought about having babies and being wonderfully-horribly pregnant, or what it would be like to be a crazy sleep-deprived momma, or how I blogged before everyone else thought it was the 'cool' thing to do...

 but I think it will be just easier to jump into life. Perhaps there will be snapshots along the way of the past several years, but there's just too much to unload.

Ellie liked touching the flowers. (in the future we might have to control this...for now it's tame I suppose)

Today our little family (Peter, Ellie, and me) ventured into a magical place for too short an hour - Como Zoo Conservatory. The greenery, the thick air, the memories of heart-felt conversations with friends, does something for my soul.

I see hope there.

Hope that the bare branches outside, the arctic air, cold death, leads me to forget. What? It can be over 40 degrees? There will be green things shooting out of those branches? What, we will be sweating outside again? ...its too easy to forget we don't permanently live in a frozen tundra. Its also sweet (torturous?) to feel the contrast of 75 degrees to -3 in a matter of seconds.


Here's to hope and new beginnings. To old blogs revisited. To lives re-reminisced. Who knows, maybe you'll even seen a poem or too up again.


Well...lets not get too crazy. After all, the dishes are indeed piled high, the laundry overflowing, the baby, crying.

That's another (LONG) post.

Well...things have begun to pick up! Now i'm a little less turtle-ish, maybe a little more grazing cow-ish? I definitely like to eat like one sometimes...mmm now I want beef...

I've been meeting with old friends recently. Isn't it weird when you tell someone that you're completely free (or a few people, I suppose), and then suddenly you are booked again. Like, can't there be some kind of consistency? Maybe that is my scheduling probably. But how pick can you be? "Oh, well I have to meet with someone the day before that, and just to keep my schedule open for other opportunities, let's meet two days from then!" Umm...probably not.

Although, I suppose that does allow for the many hours of Etsy-ing I end up doing every day. It's probably a horrible habit, and I've even begun to feed it monitarily.

And it allows me to go to the post office. There's something magical about the post office - I really love the smell of packaging materials. I love the feel of a crisp box, never been used, and the contrast of that with an old beat-up, well-loved one that's been used many times. I love licking stamps.

tbc

whoa, hello!

I should probably say Hello. It's been a while.

Who am I saying hello to? The internet? The blogging community? No one? Hm.


Who ever you are, Hello!

I want you to know that it's been a long time since I've written. Like, written at ALL, much less something profound, or spectacular, or even very depressing.

My life has been going so fast for so long, I haven't had time for washing my 'teacher' cloths, for getting my lesson plans done, for stamping wedding invitations, for cleaning up the messes I leave everywhere in my crazy frantic I'm-going-to-be-late get-out-of-my-way moods. Much less for blogging.

And the suddenly, it has come to a screeching halt.

Well, to be technical, it has probably all come to a screeching turtle-pace. I'm still moving I suppose, but it seems so stinking SLOW. I was going 90 mph and suddenly, I'm hardly walking. I feel grandma-ish, in a lot of ways actually.

Perhaps it's the endlessness of job searching that is getting to me. I started too idealistic, picking out the jobs that only in a million years I could land, and the ones that had anything to do but teaching. Now I'm applying for anything and everything - I almost applied to a bagel place yesterday.

It feels weird to have gone through such a crazy time, and yet only have two pieces of paper to show for it: one that tells me I have a Bachelor's of Music Education, and one that tells me I am legally bound to Peter Buller.

Honestly, I feel like myself after it all. Maybe endlessly devoted to one man, maybe with some more skills. But the same Laura.

It scared me a little bit when I found out I was still me. All those hours of practicing, those years of studying; I was hoping they would have a little more effect on me. Like, make me a little less lazy or something. Maybe I would be really good at loving after getting married. Turns out, it's even harder sometimes. And I'm still hopelessly stubborn, and moody. Poor Peter...I think he knew that before the wedding though.

This time is good though. I'm creative again, finally! It feels like a breath of fresh air, yet at the same time, it's a little too fresh. Like, whoa this air is so good it makes me sick to my stomach sometimes.

Jesus and I have lots of time to talk, which is good. I need to catch up with him some more though. Maybe that's why I haven't got a job quite yet.

much better...

in summer
after the trees
have conceived and birthed
their nursing offspring hang
heavy
clinging to each limb

love’s lush green fertility
washes over me

as silk tulle caresses my brown legs
like cold butter on toast
i marvel at these delicate cobwebs
dancing about my knees
weaving strength in my bones
dimples in my smile

love stands at the end of the aisle
waiting for me

(revised) petticoat

next summer
when the trees are full again
tulle will caress
against my unshaven legs
like cold butter on browned toast.
those lace cobwebs will delicately
weave two lives together
into one
so strong not even death
can break it